Pleasures and Ponderings

It Doesn't Concern Me

2011-08-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

(A 15-minute writing exercise to note all the things in life that DON'T concern me.)

It doesn't concern me that I don't have a car or that there are many countries I've not been to.
I don't care that I might not have any ice cream in my freezer.
Who minds if there are three or six of us writing together in the memoir group.
It's of no significance that I don't wear new clothes instead of long-owned ones.

If I cared about being closer to a lake, I'd get on a bus or ride there with a friend.
It doesn't matter that I don't know gardening facts, especially since roomer Larry loves to garden. I don't mind that I'll have to wait for red tomatoes in the yard.
I don't care if the sunflowers bloom ths week or not for three weeks.

I don't care when I get my free sample of Great Harvest bread that I haven't bought a loaf for awhile. (I do leave a tip).

It doesn't concern me if past lovers ever think of me, or if high school classmates remember what a square I was back then.
I don't mind if potlucks are balanced or if it's mostly salads.

I need carry on no crusade for how many books others should read or how much TV they shouldn't watch.
Whether the chickens across the alley lay eggs or not matters not to me.

That loose string on the kitchen rug doesn't pull at me to cut it.
All the candy I gathered and put on the top kitchen shelf doesn't concern me like it did at arm's length. It's just made temptation easier to resist.
If I don't find my red scarf, I can go to Goodwill and replace it.

If I don't get to the outdoor dance on Friday after my son's birthday dinner, I'll just wait till next week to dance.
It's no big deal

(To read others' ideas on what doesn't matter, go to http://silvermine.blogspot/2009/06/things-that-don't-matter.html )

It's Sometimes Painful or It Could Be

2011-08-12T22:50:00.001-07:00

When I wake many mornings,, unless I commit to getting right up and reading or meditating or having breakfast, I've been visited by the ghost of incompletion. When I let my mind put on its morning parade of what I didn't finish that I intended to, I need an external whistle to stop the parade.

It may just be ego that is sitting on its throne of righteousness, but without the comparable royalty of movement and action, I'm not able to rise from my seemingly required homage to ego's claim. Knowing that moving from my obedient posture is the only thing likely to evict the discomfort of self-blame, I am grateful I can stick out my tongue at constraining thoughts and get my body moving.

(Written in my Memoir Writing group with a 10-minute timer.) Great avenue for self-expression. I'd love to read what YOU would write on any of the same topics.
Feel free to comment.

Places I'm Most Afraid to Go

2011-08-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

Places I'm Most Afraid to Go (from my Memoir Writing group, with a 10-minute timer)

What came up, to my surprise, was "Am I doing life all right?" I'd just agreed with my lover that we need balance--not always pursuing goals so intensely. I had the start of a sore throat Wed. night, my usual signal to slow down. I doctored up and slept well.

Thursday morning I caught up on my journal and started a new way of organizing myself. I wrote 23 separate tasks or activities on 23 old checkbook pages and put them in ABC order and listed them on my pink envelope, which now holds the 23 papers. What I've been doing for years is to write every task that comes to mind in a spiral notebook. The only problem is how very often I've had to scan several pages to find my highest priority. Or I've written those priorities over and over on the next days' pages, because I let myself get sidetracked by emails and my curiosity, and don't finish what I intended to. At this point, I'm most afraid I won't find ANY organizing system that will keep me focused and lead me to sure conclusions.

2011-07-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

Warning Signs to Watch For

2011-07-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

We see and hear warning signs oftn enough. I've often wondered why I heeded some and not others. My real estate broker five years ago warned me about a Californi man who was trying to seduce me financially with a real estate deal. I did finally listen to my broker friend, because I knew he had my est interests at heart. (And I still have my refinanced home.)

I'd received several cautions about a local man I'd partnered with in real estate investment. My innate and sometimes naive trust in humans was put to the test a year later when, after no contact for a few months, I ended up selling that property on my own, at a loss.

Some indicators need no outside influences. For example, when I correlate a heans button I can't shut with my diminishing stash of candy, I can sometimes count on myself to limit goodies to my sweet tooth.

And oten, looking around at my home, I notice where a mopping or some painting or hammeing or weeding would make a big difference.

When a recent roomer threatened to take my house from me and told me I'd see "what it's like living in a tent," I knew it was time to give her notice. (I love warning signs that make the next step visible and (relatively) straightforward.)

When a Seattle snow made me hold on tight as I walked down the outside steps, I knew the glass paint last summer was a mistake. The steps are now protected with an anti-slip product mixed in with latex paint.

I remember advice or warning signs I've shared that have not been heeded either--by my daughter as a teen,my housemates who forget to remove lint from the dryer, my son when he's made financial decisions I was leery about. (Takes one to know one).

I wonder if there are objective guidelines for heeding warning signs. Maybe: 1) Visualize six months down the road and consider the alternative if you don't get the expected outcome.
2) Ask if you might offer the same caution to another if you traded places.
3) Note if comfort or taking a chance gives you the most satisfaction.

In the meantime, listen to your own and others' cautions and concerns. Learn what there is to learn, make peace with past mistakes, and relax, knowing your growing awareness is your strongest ally.

When I Hear This Song 11-25-2010

2011-04-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

When I hear this song, I lighten up.
Mony Mony gets me to my feet.
For this song, I don't need a partner.
The rhythm winds me like a top.
My feet and arms spin through space--bedroom, office, dance floor.
Everything mundane is gone,
Like the crumbs from shaking out a tablecloth.
My inner table is clean, ready to enjoy what is set out before me.

Ah, I can clear my inner logjam any time!

I'm putting on the music and I'm on my feet! Yes, Mony Mony!!

The Day She Chose to Die

2011-04-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

She's taking the pills and thus her pain will end.
She's thought it out thoroughly,
Has received notes of love from friends in her building.

What freedom and lightness to be able to be so clear about completing her life.
That takes more trust in the unknown than I might have
Even filled with pain.

When I sit quietly opposite my friend, who's just visited her,
It doesn't matter that I don't know her friend.
I feel expansive enough to be in the shoes of Presence,
Walking towards Peace with this woman I haven't met.

My friend and I made biscotti today,
An endeavor I'd not have done on my own.
She shared some with her dying friend,
Whose appreciation gave me a minor role in this life-death drama.

I am grateful for biscotti that I can also freeze and enjoy later,
For sharing creative time with my friend,
And for the link today that encircled me in the strong chain of connection.
May she now, and we when our time is ripe, rest in peace.

The Sun

2011-04-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, the sun! It gently uncloaks my warm sweater,
And turns my serious lips into a smile,
Spreading its bright feast for miles around.

I see birds flying for the fun of it.
Children clap their hands and run toward dogs on the path.

It's more fun picking up polished beach stones
When the sun invites us to help ourselves.
Thoughts of "to do's" are replaced by "time for a walk."
Friends and neighbors are lighter in spirit,
Unharnessed from their cloudy day concerns.

Snow covered mountains remind me to stand tall and let my light sine.
I take time to watch the breeze fanning the branches.
My appetite for lightness rises.
I may even skip across the room and do a pirouette.
The scene from my window is framed in my receptive memory.
And now I'm treating myself to a pastrami sandwich with everything,
And I'll eat it on my deck in the sun. What good company!

The Scarf, the Brooch, the Anchor

2011-04-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

The scarf around her neck wasn't warm or luxurious,
But it was an icon, a memento, that somehow spoke its meaning
To us who saw it.
The woman wearing the scarf radiated aliveness and cheer.
I just had to go talk to her after the poetry group.

I wonder what my talisman might be if I had it always with me.
Sometimes it would be a frog or a duck or Eeyore
Or the bright colors I love to wear.
Maybe it would be the brooch in the shape of an anchor, holding me still.
I have noticed that when I see the anchor on my desk, I seem more settled.

Instead of feeling apologetic about wanting some external version
Of a child's security blanket, I am deciding, with conviction,
That anything that engages me and enlivens me, belongs with me.
Welcome home to every visual reminder that I am fully alive!

Talking to Myself About Holding on to Stuff

2011-04-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

As the balloon lifted off, she grinned in anticipation.
Oh, the fun of being high over the forest
Looking down, looking around, missing nothing.
She wanted to claim it all, as though in a gold field.
When there was an eagle's nest, she named it hers.
The hidden lake was given her name.
The flame kept the hot air balloon high,
Where she felt free, unburdened, invincible.

She wondered, as they slowly descended,
What she could claim, name, hold on to
As she had owned her dominion on that high ride.
Now what could grant her that same fullness,
That wide, open, encompassing feel of enoughness?
Could it really be found in boxes of papers from past projects?
Could she be foolish enough to believe it necessary, even desirable,
To skim months old, years old, newspapers and magazines?

"But," she says, "it's me who's holding on. How can I make myself stop?
I want to believe it's some old part of me hanging on.
How can I get to know that part with compassion?"

I know the answer for today. There's nothing wrong. I'm ok the way I am.
When it's important, when the time is right, I will let go and recycle my boxes.
Right now, precious part of me, go in peace. Trust yourself. You will know.

Thoughts at the Bainbridge Bluegrass Festival 2010

2011-04-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

The stage was set with new performers at the Bluegrass Festival.
People were sitting in 80 degree sun, some under canopies.
Toes were tapping, and two little girls were swinging arms with their mom.
Mary Ann Moorman (www.auntmama.com),
Whose stories I hear every Sunday at 8:30 am on 91.3, was emcee.
My two friends had eaten their tuna sandwiches on the ferry,
And now I ate mine with yellow pepper slices and guava nectar.

I wish it were as easy for me to change my stage with 15 minutes of sound checks,
And then move on to my next set,
Whether boy friend, income producing, blog writing, clearing clutter, or whatever.
For now--oh, if only I'd remember every now--
I can take the breaks between boy friends,
And the dismay over a less than stellar class I've taught,
And the contrast between messy room and cleared room,
With a bit more grace and ease.

I can be like the musicians, who play their music with zest
And leave the stage when their set is complete--
Not sad, because they know music will always be part of them.

When I picture myself letting go of papers, of projects,
A dread comes over me, reminiscent of a bad report card.
I want to keep what I'm not proud of to myself.
I don't want to admit that my choices, my plans,
Could have had brighter futures.
Like today's musicians, I want to celebrate and be celebrated.
And you know what? Tomorrow is soon enough to get going on that.
Today is the time to dance and enjoy other people's music.

What We Shared Over Breakfast Feb. 2011

2011-04-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

The gold lamp suspended above lights up this Subway
Where we got our 2-for-1 breakfast sandwich.
I got to be the little girl clapping inside at this free morning meal.
And now my heart is singing harmony with my inaudible clapping.
I bet the music could have accompanied Genesis' singing this morning.

And here at the table when we had our fill, my friend offered me a trip
Late May to Arizona and three national parks.
She's one of the easiest persons I've ever met to feel at home with.
Soon we'll walk to the bus and I'll show her the route from Burien to West Seattle.

Talking to her is like opening the cookie jar and
Having a leisurely cup of coffee or tea.
She indulges my love of variety and new experiences.
And even this 2-for-1 breakfast and anticipation of our trip
And the vitality of the church music and the large and welcoming congregation
Fill me. I'll go home and listen to bluegrass and the day will be complete.

Looking Down on Alki Beach Feb. 19, 2011

2011-04-22T17:36:00.000-07:00

The birds hoer, caught in air pockets
On this wind-ravaging day on Alki.
The Olympics, dressed in their finest winter white,
Are the background we'd love on any February calendar page.

The waves are chasing each other
And carrying a long waterboard surfer far and fast.
The ferry is making its trip to or from Vashon
And those seagulls fascinate me
With their acrobatic show on the wind's trapeze.

The artificial flowers at our table give color
As we eat our fish and chips.
The crowd around us is enjoying the Saturday respite from daily concerns.

I'm with a friend with whom I can be totally myself--
Another picture I'd love on a calendar page.
And those birds, those waves, those mountains
Fill every spot that's open in my heart.
I am content, more than content.

A Trip to the Tulip Festival at Mt. Vernon

2011-04-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Mountains with patchwork snow,
Trees with scattered blooms,
Families at picnic tables with popcorn and drinks and picnic lunches.
Paths of red and yellow, orange and purple tulips
A windmill surrounded by every color tulips come in.
Tales of past adventures coming from nearby tables,
Tents offering burgers, hot dogs, flannel cakes, ice cream.
Tulip plants and grass vases (!) for sale in the big tent.

Benches for viewing private auditions of a tulip performance.
My three friends and I at this table sharing fudge, chips and stories.
And the sun is out. What a day! And we're still on the move!

We drive by more tulip fields, and stop at Farmhouse Restaurant for a lunch buffet.
Then a jaunt to Padilla Bay estuary, and the nearby visitors center
Where we're welcomed to the exhibits, even though they're closed on Tues.
We watch and read about sea life and birds,
And I hit the button five times for the sound of ducks,
That brings me at warp speed to every duck pond I've ever stopped at.

Now we're driving up to Mt. Erie, with its views of valleys and mountains and farms.
On the drive coming and going,
We discuss Byron Katie's www.thework.com and A Course in Miracles.
Gratitude and hugs are shared for this perfect day.
Our friendship is even deeper. Life is good.

You're Leaving--To a Housemate of Seven Years 3-9-2011

2011-03-09T09:38:00.000-08:00

Chris, you've been a housemate for seven years.
And you were the only one in 26 years I didn't meet before you moved in.

I will miss your hugs, your grins and laughter,
Our mutual teasing, playing with words and ideas,
Shaking our heads about a common friend.
Our shared appreciation for Abraham Hicks, the Law of Attraction
And the Focus Wheel for my relating to a difficult friendship.

I see a parallel to your moving with the death of my friend Charles.
Knowing he was dying, I visited him every two or three weeks.
On the day he died, I went and sat with his body for two hours
And wrote thoughts and fees as I absorbed the finality of our friendship.
That night, nine of us shared stories and tears and memories.
I'll always remember how complete I felt that night.

Having time to "take in" the fact of your leaving
Has made this transition easier.
I feel a numbness and a sadness, a wistfulness and a heaviness
AND I am so glad you chose what your heart said "yes" to.

I'm grateful we both are staying aware of what lessons might be there
By way of our connection with a complex mutual friendship.

It was lovely to see how you and my brotherAllan connected.
Our potluck discussion took you in warmly when you joined us.
The small Christmas tree in the hall brought back the days
When I loved to decorate the tree with my kids for Christmas.
It was a joy to see and contribute what collected under the tree those weeks.

I'm tickled that we can giggle at those earlier times
When your temper surprised and even shocked me.

I value your generosity: the Saeco hot water pot, the microwave,
Rearranging the basement with James, sharing your Vortex DVDs.
And I was so thrilled when we worked on GMoneyPro affiliate marketing
Until we both got discouraged by puzzling messages of not "following policies."

My experience of Friendship has broadened these seven years.
You have become a Forever Friend, one who'd be on my Christmas list
(If I sent out Christmas cards), one whose birthday I hope to remember.
We've both grown in tolerance and acceptance of different housemates' behaviors.
I've loved seeing the closeness you and Ashley have with each other.

And the little things--your bringing matches for bathroom odors,
Doing the vacuuming every week, fixing it when it needed parts,
Putting Easter egg candies outside each of our bedroom doors,
Even hauling MY boxes to the basement as you cleared out yours for the move.

I'm sure I've overlooked some shared adventures or conversations,
But our friendship is a sculpture, a Friendship Oscar, that will take its place alongside
My leaves, frogs, ducks, dried bouquets, and boxes of "treasures."
There will always be a place in my heart and my home for you, my friend Chris.

Love, affection, and openness, Moreah

Listening to Elle Flute Trio Jan. 30, 2011

2011-03-06T21:17:00.000-08:00

The Japanese folk songs took me to the local Japanese garden.
Women bow and I bow in return for the gracious invitation to the tea house.
The stream cascades over shallow rocks
And flowers wave back to the music.
A final bow cements the bonding between music and me.

I imagine walking gingerly over the slippery rocks
From one side of the stream to the other.
Before I get across, I feel heavy, doubtful,
Torn between stepping back and moving forward.
A lasso, a jump rope, are thrown out, willy nilly,
And no one cares if or how they convert to anything solid.
They are notes left out to recess
With no one monitoring their movement.
-------------------------------------------------

The Irish medley glides me to the Dublin pubs
With proud players of musical heritage.
My 2009 trip stands at attention
And I alight on a pub stool, wrapped in melody.
I celebrate their history,
Their obvious pleasure in listeners' movement.
Hands are joined, my mind tells me,
And feet kick in twirling delight.
-----------------------------------------

Bach's sonata guides me from circles of vitality
To a procession of solemn intent,
Honoring the sacred all around and in us.
Presto shows off its freedom,
Its right to do whatever moves it,
And I want to taste, no, gulp, mouthfuls,
Breathfuls of total abandon.
No restraint here. Go, girls!
-----------------------------------------------

For Strauss' polka, I can almost imagine
Rising from my seat, even without a partner,
And doing the polka up the aisles
And around the chairs.
Oh, can I keep up?
It doesn't matter.
I just keep up with the unleashed child,
Never to be restrained again!

2011-02-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

Writing with a Friend: my words and his 8-29-2010

2010-09-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

Con and I went to the Bellevue Botanical Garden Art Show and enjoyed the various
sculptures and creative art pieces. While there, we wrote 3 different poems that
started out with the same first line. So I'll share mine and then his. A fun process!

Mine:
1) The wind is around us but not on us.
We're in a rock-decorated garden with circular concrete walks
Among sunflower and plants of all kinds
The quiet here cleanses the spirit like a shower refreshes the body.
Beauty performs on the stage of the outdoors
Whether there are spectators or not

The breeze peeks through and tickles branches
Who shyly bow, then willingly do a dance.
It is all effortless. The tableau is like a table set with napkins and plates
Waiting for people to sit and eat.
I have tasted its grace and its color.
It is inside me. And now I can move on.
-----------------------------------------
Con's:
1) The wind is around us but not on us,
serene, calm, cozy with a woman friend.
The wind, without judgement
caresses everything with loving connectedness,

Wind, one of the activities of Life,
Creating, loving without opinion.
Wind, silent, except when caressing another of
Life's expressions.
Wind, unseen, partner of Life.
Seemingly seen, with its interactions,
Seemingly heard when it interacts.
-----------------------------------------
Mine:
2) A canopied pond invites us to its serene stillness.
We say thank you and sit on the bench provided.
The branches bow their welcome,
And we wait for the performance of frogs jumping,
Minnows moving, the mirror of the surface
Breaking with their tiny movements.

The elm is getting its afternoon tan
While other trees are content to be in the shadows.
Green covers the pond further down.
The explorer in me pictures myself
Walking in and folding the pond around me.

I so want the stillness taking me over
When I am feeling overextended.
Here, there is no hyperactivity.
Here I am totally at ease.
Hm....I'm taking it home with me.
--------------------------
Con's:
2) A canopied pond, Still water,
A bench under the trees,
A breeze moving next to us,
Now slightly upon us,
Tall water grasses,
Sounds of automotive civilization in the distance
and way up in the atmosphere.

Sunlight coming thru the clouds,
Thru the branches and leaves,
A meandering dirt, gravel, well kept-up trail,
Big elephant ear leafed plants,
And a myriad variety of other green and brown and other colors of
Our family. We are all one Life.

Gratitudes--I Love It When....55 happiness-makers

2010-09-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

I love it when
1) I get to the bus on time.
2) I make peace quickly with having left my cell phone home.
3) I save more money (sale prices!) than I spend at grocery stores.
4) I witness my inner or outer self drawing back and just notice, don't judge.
5) I feel irritation with a housemate and yet can discuss it matter-of-factly.
6) I don't push myself to make a decision, but let it come in its own time.
7) I remember to eat the leftovers in the fridge.
8) My friend Char helps me organize my bedroom and office.
9) A friend or two join me in writing a 10-min. vignette about something.
10) I have enough daisies, hydrangeas, roses and other flowers in my yard for regular bouquets.
11) Corn on the cob costs 25 cents. I buy 10 & enjoy 3 or 4 meals of corn and whatever.
12) I laugh out loud to Big Bang Theory or Last Comic Standing.
13) I experience relaxation without any agenda, as, at festivals.
14) I see 100s of beautifully painted nude bikers at the Fremont Fair.
15) I freeze 28 pints of strawberries from my front yard patch.
16) I love the comfort food of cooked sweet potatoes with butter.
17) I savor chard salad with avocado and pea pods and peppers and more--so good!
18) I get to feel a bit superior when I see "World's Dumbest Criminals."
19) I read Irv Thomas' Innocence Abroad about Europe on $100 a week when he was 64.
20) I settle in for animated Ice Age or Ratatouile or Shrek or Finding Nemo or Up.
21) I got 500 business cards from www.vistaprint.com for $10.
22) My neighbor Carolyn helped me weed and gave me gardening tips.
23) I enjoy the weekend 2:00 bands at the Ballard Locks with a friend.
24) I have a free sample of delicious bread at Great Harvest Bread.
25) I discovered poppies! They look like a round head with a crown! I have a bouquet!
26) I feel cute with my new haircut.
27) I teach Nonviolent (Compassionate) Communication, and we all connect!
28) Dejon and I dance outdoors to Dusty 45s at City Hall, and write a poem later.
29) Richard and I share BBQ at RoRo's, then listen to an Abraham Hicks CD.
30) Dee and Char and I camped, sat by our 3 fires, and explored Mt. Rainier.
31) The 10-20 who come to my monthly potluck-discussion share very openly.
32) I enjoy Prairie Home Companion and Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on KUOW 94.9.
I just went to http://www.kuow.org/programs_az.php and found many more I like!
33) Dejon painted my front steps and put in a new rail for safety. Looks great!
34) Dee, Mary Beth, Linda, Char and I enjoyed food & fun at Strawberry Fest on Vashon.
35) Charles and I dined in style at Salty's Sunday morning buffet!
36) I hope to keep $500 in my BECU checking AND savings account for 6% return!
37) I enjoyed NW Compassionate Communication's Family Camp: warm connecting!
38) I saw Romeo and Juliet at Lincoln Park; Arts Festival at Camp Long.
39) With dry beans I bought for Y2K (2000), made a fine bean-sausage stew!
40) Daughter Katie, granddaughter Kayla and I grinned out loud over old photos.
41) I savored Georgia Mud Fudge at DQ with a guy from the personals.
42) I finally got 450+ photos from my cell phone to my computer. What fun!
43) Celebrated how much John and I had in common; alas, no chemistry!
44) Housemate Jim shared LOTS of cheeses he got for helping at a cheese fest.
45) The furnace's summer fan made 90 degree days close to bearable.
46) I love the free plays I see at Arts West and ACT when I usher.
47) In one day, I delighted in chicken tenders, mango tea, and crepes and yogurt.
48) My house is now 100 years old, and we have hot water everywhere it should be.
49) Kris bought my book. I have more Pleasures and Ponderings for $15. Ebook for $6.
50) I sorted my kitchen freezer and wrote it down. Now I know what I have!
51) Con and I loved the 18 artists at Bellevue Botanical Gardens. A lovely day!
52) I love how Wife Swap gets the other family to consider new ways of relating!
53) I talked to my 80-year-old aunt. Ag told me she used to rock us oldest four kids
and sing to us. And Mom sang when she ironed. I like knowing I was rocked!
54) I like picking out zydeco or blues or rock or ___ at www.365live.com
55) I love making lists and reading them twice and being happy all over again.

West Seattle Street Festival 7-10-2010

2010-09-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

It started by going onstage ("A chance to win $10,000"),
picking up sacks with my teeth and unwinding crepe with arms in motion. I didn't win.
I did wear my "Plays well with others" button.

I saw moms dancing with toddlers to rock and roll,
Free Cascade candy bars and QFC water,
$2 pizza slices, $5 BBQ pork.
I passed the paid food by, knowing I'd stuff myself at tonight's potluck-discussion.
25 cent books (I got 12), one 50 cent book,
An Asian painting for $10, with a free one thrown in
when she saw how long I'd taken to choose.
Grateful for all the 50% off cards and towels and dishes I could easily pass by.

In an empty chair (for sale) as I people watched, I saw
Beautiful babies in strollers or on Dads' shoulders,
A shirtless man with a flat stomach--aah!
A pot bellied man whose T-shirt proclaimed Potty Trained.
A young man whose jeans were so low his green undershorts were totally visible.
Girls doing cartwheels on the closed off street.
Lots of cleavage on this high 70's Saturday.
A warm hug from Dana who had to remind me how we knew each other.
Would be dance stars strutting their stuff to heavy metal.
I imagined the future hearing aids for the band and their followers.

I'm wondering how the day might have been different if I'd not had a misunderstanding
about meeting a man from the personals at the Festival.
I am content. Another time...
Now, still sitting in the shade, I decide to slowly head home,
Lest any more too-loud music invade my ears.
I buy a brain-tease book and a Celtic woman DVD for my friend,
And a blue floral design glass necklace for me.
At home, I hear the last half of Prairie Home Companion
and then pick cherries and strawberries for the potluck tonight.
Our topic: quotes from Bach's Illusions.
A perfect day: a festival, good food, good friends, sharing our hearts.

He's Here Now (visualizing my desired life,7-3-2010)

2010-09-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

I see him coming up the stairs. I can't wait.
I open the door before he knocks.
We grin, kiss, and hug a long time.
We're going to a festival today to enjoy music and the arts,
food, and people watching.

Another time we'll go for a long walk in a new neighborhood.
Then maybe dancing, a play, a book reading.
What we do doesn't matter as much as the easy,
carefree sharing of togetherness.

We speak our minds and our hearts with love.
We respect each other's need for space, for alone time.
We look forward to the opportunities, by day and by night,
for touch, affection, teasing, laughing and loving.

I often say "I'm glad we found each other."
He adds, "And I love you just the way you are."
We're looking forward to teaching Compassionate Communication together.
And we've started writing our book about pleasure and aging.
We'll continue that on our trip to Vietnam and China.
We'll enjoy being on Oprah and other shows with our book.

As people who live the Law of Attraction,
We've gone on Abraham cruises and practice keeping
our attention on what makes us happy.

I love how easily I pay all that is due.
I am comfortable and secure in a healthy present
and a prosperous future.
I have all I want and all is well.
And so it is.

Thoughts at the Morgan Junction Festival, June 12, 2010

2010-06-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in front of the stagemoving in my chair to country music.
At the same time, I heard the cheers from the nearby tavern where fans
watched World Cup, USA vs. England.
The sun had long ago urged my jacket from my body to my pack.
The free bites of pasta, pizza, cheese bread and stuffed grape leaves
have ensured no need for pre dinner food stops.
The belly dancer's moves gave me ideas...
Kids on the nearby lawn are playing soccer,while others get their faces painted
or are pushed about in comfy strollers.
One child is leading a balloon dog around.
A chalk art contest is taking form on the sidewalk.
I alternate my tapping toes between sunny and shaded chairs.
Contentment holds me in place, though my eyes wish for a nap,
and my ears remember Prairie Home Companion is soon on the radio.

Tattoos and sunglasses and faces without worry are everywhere around.
Outdoor booths tell of emergency procedures, and sell plants,
brownies, cards, jewelry, and community services.
Parents and grandparents look lovingly at carefree youngsters.
They spark my appetite for sharing the imaginative innocence I see in young faces--
at the zoo, Children's Theatre, Children's Museum, and at home in the kitchen and yard.

I'm pleased to see recycling containers. I'm also happy that my inner judge
is giving me no flack when I postpone my trip to the library.
In the next few minutes, I must choose between acoustic folk rock here,
and Garrison Keillor on 94.9 six blocks away at home.

There's something hypnotic, homey and hopeful about the open-ended,
non-structured hanging out at street festivals like this, as well as at parks and beaches.
These are my neighbors, my people.
If only we could see all the ways we are alike, in ANY group of people. . .
We're all doing the best we know how to meet our needs.
And today, we all seem peaceful without any To Do list.
What could I do or be each day to feel this ease and contentment?
Well, I'm starting with "relaxation-without-agenda." Want to join me?

Judging or Not Judging

2010-03-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

The wine shop next door to the theatre
Suggests luxury, affluence, good taste,
People who know exactly what they want.

Right now, I only want comfort.

I upset her, and my need for a ride made her late.
I assumed it would work.
She helped me choose and hang a new curtain in my office.
I was grateful.
I hoped her annoyance might be followed with "no big deal."
But I left her car still feeling voiceless, guilty.

I'd felt judgment recently about a housemate.
She wasn't willing to budge in what seemed to me
A minor concession of convenience to kindness. I was angry.
Am I making demands, internally if not externally?
Am I playing holier than thou?
Would I act differently in their shoes? Could I be kinder?

I want to be compassionate, and I was today, at length,
With a friend who'd lost money on a real estate investment. (I've been there!)
Another friend treated me to lunch, and we talked easily
About books, exercise, friendship.
If it's such satisfaction for me to know I can always be myself with him,
What would it take to offer that same assurance, even guarantee,
To anyone, that who they are, how they are, does not need my approval.

My teen granddaughter could ignore me, and I would feel okay.
My accountability partner could point out an assumption I'd made,
And I'd matter of factly acknowledge her observation.
I could even let my lack of organization be no big deal,
My unread pile of old Wall Street Journals a part of my decorating,
My haphazardly stuffed refrigerator, a creative expression.

Here at the theatre, my last activity of this day,
These words I write comfort me.
They give me the satisfaction a child has in building a sand castle,
Not caring at all that it will soon lose its shape.
"Look, friends, see what I made.". . . "I can make another one!"

Sunday Musings

2010-03-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

The snow on the mountains
Blankets me with comfort and wonder.
I imagine myself camping, snowshoeing there.

Here I feel the sun, walk past other sun-lovers
On their way to the bus or the grocery store.
At QFC, I pick up produce, fish and frozen vegies on sale
And enjoy samples of pasta salad, cheese and apple.

Now I'm on the bus to an estate sale for our Unitarian congregation.
I drop off books there too for a later book sale.
My next decision: a nap, a stop in the park, or reading.
(You notice I didn't include cleaning my bedroom or office.
These clear pleasant days cloud my choices.)

Waiting for my last bus ride today, I'm aware that my
"Don't-want-to-miss-anything" head space
Made heavy bags with all the bargains I couldn't resist.
I love seeing the minus sign beside all the savings. $28 spent, and $28 saved!

At home, I started a new habit: marked what I'd bought in my red notebook.
When I listed my fridge contents, I found a jar of bacon bits
And a mandarin orange meat marinade I'd forgotten about. Yum!
Oh, I must remember to bring the notebook with me when I shop.
I don't need 13 oranges, 9 yogurts and 4 limes.

After my foray into fridge contents, I took the day off.
I watched God's Little Acre, part of America's Funniest videos,
A bit of The Nutty Professor, and the Young at Heart singers.
Then at the computer, I heard a 1-hour program on following your dream
As I snacked on grapes, carrots and hummous dip, and broccoli soup.

I gave feedback to a friend about his personals ad and the replies he'd sent.
And now, daylight savings and all, it is bedtime. And I am happy.

Weekend Dances

2010-03-14T23:53:00.000-07:00

I’m sure I felt as delighted as kids in a swimming pool on a hot day.
I was dancing – waltz, swing, fox trot,
including some hops and stomps and wiggles the instructor showed us.
Here on the dance floor, the flirting eyes and hips in motion are welcome—
for the dancers and the people watching.
No promises are made, only glances that might translate to
“You’re fun!” or “I like this!” or even “Yippee!”
Here we’re all on the same footing—all people who came to dance.

The instructor says each of us must ask three people we don’t know to dance—
Words that probably make it easier for the shy to try that out.
I already ask the men-- I want to dance when I like the music
I haven’t felt this young and playful in many weeks.
I was grinning and teasing with my eyes, and it was reciprocated.
Both Friday and Saturday I went to the dance with a different woman
who’d felt some reluctance, but enjoyed herself there.
Guess what! I’m on email lists for several dances.
Now I’m imagining falling for a good dancer. Live it up, my heart!

My Attention

2010-03-09T23:02:00.000-08:00

Toast and jam and chai tea,
Gray sky, books and clothes strewn,
Doctor appointment today after gym.
Tax appointment Friday -- much to get ready.

Just finished Rapt, about what we give attention to.
I look around my bedroom and notice, draw back from
All the books I want to read, the Wall Street Journals.
I chide myself for my seeming inability right now
To corral my thoughts, to turn most of them out to pasture.

I'm a bit "wounded" by Bill's "We can be friends, but no more"
After our one-half hour meeting in a coffee shop.
(Did I ask too many questions to "qualify" him, as he put it?)

I'm insatiably curious, so I WANT to hear a new person's
Experiences, values, beliefs, delights.

Ah, another man answered my ad. I wonder where this will lead.

A Day Away from Home 3-8-2010

2010-03-09T19:03:00.001-08:00

Two bites left of my sesame ball as I board the bus for West Seattle.
The Doctor was reassuring and my low mood has lifted,
Thanks to exploring a Vietnamese grocery and buying $12.76 of tofu, noodles and treats.
The $2. Vietnamese sandwich was certainly a part of my current contentment.
Seventy-five cents is a cheap price to pay for another trip another day to try out
Other staples or sweets in the International District.

My inner calculator said I'd reach the library before my bus transfer expired.
There I finish writing notes from Gallagher's book, Rapt, about attention and focus.
I walk the nine blocks home, paying attention to spring blossoms and the breeze.

I exchanged phone numbers with an earlier seatmate on the bus, who bakes his own bread
and invests in commodities. I stop for a sample at Great Harvest Bread Company.
I come home and feel like I've been out of the country for the day. Lucky me!

On Hearing New Seattle Brass Ensemble

2010-03-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

I come inside at Camp Long’s Art and Nature Festival.
The music puts me in a deep dark jungle
Where harp, tuba, cello, trumpets and drums
March to, are musically set alive, by and with the singer.

I am made love to, wildly,
Oh, with such full presence, such aliveness,
I could come to the sounds as well as the imagined touch.

The musicians and the soloist are meditating
As surely as if they were in a temple.
I’m drawn into the worship that is reverberating with ecstatic sound.

The cellist’s eyes pull at my heart; oh, I can’t hold myself back!
The harpist’s smile can barely keep from erupting into pure rapture.
The drummer’s face is contorted with perfect, perfect pleasure.

The singer, still making love with each of us, holds nothing back.
How I want this passion, this depth, to go on and on!

I leave. You’re finished, but I’m holding on.
You got inside me.
How I’d like to keep you there.

SELF ACCEPTANCE (written after a weekend workshop)

2010-01-18T17:42:00.000-08:00

SELF ACCEPTANCE

Red sweater, white blouse dropped over a pile of unread newspapers,
Wilted flowers in the vase, an unsorted basket of items from the dresser top.
A blue Eeyore atop a stack of books.
What significance is there in any of those?
They’re merely place holders for ease, convenience, love of beauty, childhood.

Neat or not, the room does not define me. It’s simply a metaphor, a snapshot,
Of a moment, a mood, a knowing, a need.

The meaning of a rumpled or a radiant room is as much a matter of conscious choice
As it is of tuning out what doesn’t matter right now.

Today, and I hope every future today, I will neither flinch nor prod myself
To accommodate anyone else’s standards.
I am the overseer of my bedroom.
It is my safe haven, my inanimate best friend.
No judgments here. I am loved and lovable.
I am total self-acceptance.
And that leads wherever it shall take me.

Vignettes I wrote Dec. 2009

2010-01-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

We’re walking the trail at twilight. The moon is full.
We hear loons, see an occasional fish jump in the lake.
Soon we’re sitting by an enthusiastic fire.
Lost in thought, I lean against him. Here in the silence, there is no past, no future.
The presence of NOW fills the screen, soothes the senses, Reminds me to tune out every why, every how.
The rowboat and trees and rocks and stillness Are the answer to every question.
_____________________________

Dee called this morning. That made me happy. We both hoped my cold wouldn’t jump ahead in line And keep me from enjoying New Year’s Eve.
But I didn’t even have the energy to call it out As its coughs and sneezes herded me to bed.
It only granted a temporary reprieve for some TV and reading. Two weeks later, my energy walked as my longing skipped and danced. But the real Moreah is coming back. And I’m going dancing again.
_________________________________________________________

The leaves in the bowl are scattered loosely,
Sprayed in the fall to keep their colors.
When I go past the bowl on the coffee table,
I walk, in retrospect, under autumn trees,
Picking up more red and orange and speckled leaves.

I don’t mind that they curl up and become fragile in a few months.
They act as a memory of all the times I couldn’t resist
Leaning down for one more leaf.
And they foretell next fall’s feast of beauty
For eyes, for touch, for my soul.
_______________________________

The door swings shut and I’m in the kitchen
Filling my plate or doing dishes.
I LIKE nudging it with my shoulder as I leave with tea and vitamins.
It will finish the job—I need no hands.
The other door has a knob I must turn to close.
I won’t let it make the rules.

I almost whimsically feel a do si do as I go back and forth
Through that obliging door.
________________________________

A Poem I Wrote in a Park in Dublin May, 2009

2009-11-28T21:29:00.000-08:00

I will sit on this bench, quietly,
Till the sun shuts its light off
And my warmed body begs me leave.
I will pretend I'm held in a lover's gaze
Along with the many couples lazing on the lawns.
I'll remember the nap on Christchurch grounds
Where I was wakened by sweet church bells.
This park will be my Dublin memento
More than Grafton Street's walkers only shopping,
As much as Trinity College's library and Book of Kells.
Here I am quieted, grounded, balanced.
I need no entertainment, no new experience,
Not even another's companionship.
The peacefulness burrows around inside me,
Settles in, and pulls me to it.
When I leave with the sun, the peace comes along.

Musings in a Grocery Store

2009-11-28T18:44:00.000-08:00

One thing I'm enjoying a lot: looking around me when I'm with a friend and we pick out something we see and start a prose poem with the same first line. Here's one.

The boxes stacked high in the grocery store are eye-level from the upstairs tables. Rows of peanut butter, cereals, crackers, chips, cocoa, soups, rice, pasta. Processed food every direction I face. It feeds us, pleases our taste buds, calls us to the table, to family and friends. The boxes from this high spot suggest factories, automation, abundance.

The produce has a different pull. I see sun and rain and ready-to-eat. The produce in my work life shows itself in grins of recognition, aha's, ease. The boxes are tasks that are necessary, not fun.What conscious rain and sun could bring a harvest or peace and satisfaction to the work in front of me?

I don't know yet. But I believe I'll find out.Moreah Vestan Nov. 2009

The Experience of Awareness I Had Today (11-1-09)

2009-11-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

I am the scribe, the reporter, of my time—my mind, my movements, my thoughts.
I lie in bed on this lazy Sunday hearing restful wordless music.
I notice myself drifting to the calls I should return, to the sun calling me to Nature.
To the next meal, the friend to hang out with.

I just finished Lessons From the Dying
And am musing on time and surrender, on impermanence and right here, right now.
As the dying do, I want to be present to what is, and not live with past regrets or future longings.

I notice almost a palpable pull to start my tasks, yet I still am settled into the fireplace feel of this music,
The sun, the leaves on the tree barely moving, the warmth of this comforter,
The awareness of the peace and ease and freedom I feel as I consciously choose to let the CD serenade complete.

This now moment takes in my Mt. Shuksan wall mural,
The empty wine bottle from a fall trip with a lover to Vermont
The aqua vase with a dried branch arrangement,
The three plants on the windowsill, the vase, the lilac teddy bear
The blue stuffed Eeyore perched above a pile of unread books,
The clothes not yet put away, the cloth monkey I sleep with.

I know how easily I fall into one project, then to another,
Without witnessing, observing, my inner terrain.
How I want the clear awareness I’ve honored myself with today
EVERY day, each hour, in any activity or lack of activity.
If it takes setting an alarm several times a day until it becomes a habit to stop and check in,
I can do that. For now, I will read this every day and relive this experience of awareness.

Reading in Bed

2009-11-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

I sometimes play hooky from my Inner Director.
Usually it’s on a Saturday, and I leave my bed
Only for food. The phone is beside me. I’ve made no promises.
I’ve gathered unread Sunday papers, months-old magazines,
Plus scissors, and folders in case I want to feel organized.

The journal keeper in me may even write
One sentence wrap-ups of news stories and essays.
This eclectic music lover will switch from classical
To bluegrass, to Prairie Home Companion.
I’ve always loved two-for-the-price-of-one,
And I get it with music + relaxing while catching up on reading.

Growing up, I don’t remember ever being able to relax in bed.
I’d be reading a book and be called down by Mom to help.
I wonder how many hours, days of reading
It could take to “make up for” those years as on-call helper.
It doesn’t matter now. I needn’t prove anything.
I can tell my internalized Mom to just relax.

I can be grateful that now I have choices.
And indeed, I just thought of a different book.
And I’m up. I found it.
I grabbed some berries, and propped up my pillows.
And no one will call me to help.

Humor for a Bedtime Snack

2009-11-01T22:25:00.000-08:00

I’m often at my computer 8-10 hours a day.
I also do regular tai chi and workouts at the nearby gym,
Eat meals on the back deck, nap, and read in between.

When I’ve finished my day
Or when Discovery or travel shows
Or dance competitions strike my fancy,
I lean back against the pillows in bed and turn on TV.
The dancing partners dazzle me
With their dogged commitment, their pride, their grace.

I usually watch Wife Swap on Mondays at 8.
I never cease to be amazed when,
After two weeks with another’s lifestyle,
How many changes happen—
A husband who never helps, cleans the stool and sink,
A workaholic Dad cuts back and plays with his kids.
A vegan raw food family uses the stove.
A woman whose goat and dogs lived inside lets them out.
A totally messy teen cleans up and likes it that way.
I feel awe and hope and delight seeing people’s resiliency.

Watching Rick Steves, I’m delighted retracing steps
At Cinque Terre or Gimmelwald or Barcelona,
And new appetites arise for places yet unknown.

I always grin at Red Green over Harold.
Massive use of duct tape, the scrapes they get into.
TV, meditation, books and new experiences—
A balanced diet for this lover of life.

Cleaning Out my Sock Drawer

2009-11-01T22:19:00.000-08:00

It's hard to understand why I keep single socks.
I imagine it's the optimist in me
Who remembers that time when a mate did show up
(You'd have thought I won the lottery!)
The other day, from no particular motivation,
I emptied all 102 socks. (I love numbers and facts).
Soon 40 pairs went back, and 22 had a second chance.
One housemate claimed a few and then,
Bravely, without looking again at the solo socks I really liked,
I scooped them up and dropped them in a bucket,
Now to be used for wiping spills, cleaning floors.
Knowing I'm no more likely now
To clip pairs together for laundry bonding,
I've made the hard saver's choice:
Let it go. Don't look back.And so it is.

Memories for the Grandma Book

2009-11-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

It’s for you, Kayla, my granddaughter, now 10.
I started writing in the Grandma Book the first month of your life.
Things you asked, words you spoke in baby’s tongue,
Sentences you spoke that tickled me, touched me.
Songs you sang, pictures you made,
Which little friend you did what with—
Barbie dolls, outdoor shed, park swinging, cooking.

We once stopped at a stamp show—
You were willing to look for 5 minutes.
25 minutes later, you’d scooped up the allowed amount of stamps,
Had pages for an album, and were ready to collect.
We looked through all the cancelled stamps I had at home
And soon had a page with flowers, another with animals,
With people, with lighthouses, with vehicles.

At my house we play Guess Who. You sometimes win.
You jump on the rebounder, and ask me to give you orders.
We play store and restaurant and theater.
You’re so efficient as you ring up by bill,
Serve me food, arrange my tickets.

In my poem, “I’m a Grandma, I Get to Play.”
I told of your eating cookie dough,
Tying your braids around poles on a bus, doing gymnastics there too.
The bus or porch or garden are all playground.
I’m waited on by you at my living room café,
Buy clothes at my dining room outlet,
Play monopoly or chess on the deck table.
Mi casa, su casa, Kayla. You bring me joy.

THE LITTLE THINGS July, 2008

2008-07-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

The Little Things
How lucky I feel that I’m so easily pleased by little things.
The whistle of the hot teakettle when I empty it,
Add cold water, and swirl it around.

The grin of satisfaction from rearranging five small plants
On the kitchen windowsill, and seeing the vase of garden flowers there.

The at-homeness of growing up on an Iowa farm
When I see Dupre’s 3’ by 4’ prints of barn and field on my bedroom wall.

The lovely oval can holding dried petals of bouquets given to me
For birthdays, Mother’s Day, illness, friendship.

The Placido Domingo tape, “A Love until the End of Time,”
I’m hearing with stereo head phones as I write and dream.
Sharing a minute of it on a treasured friend’s voice mail as I keep listening.

The essay I read years ago of a hungry child who picked up and ate
A single grain of rice that had fallen. I’ve done the same ever since,
Grateful for the lesson on valuing and not wasting.

The wrist band for the pool from my favorite hotel, the Atlantis, in the Bahamas.
The delight in its splendor, AND in the simplicity of low-cost hostels I usually stay at.

The amazement when a new housemate neatened the front porch,
Linen closet, hall, back deck and, wow, the BASEMENT!

The koala bear cover for the Kleenex box, and the photo of me
Holding a real koala!

The cloth monkey (at least 20-30 years ago my daughter’s)
I hold as I go to sleep.

The pay-what-you-will tickets I get for an Intiman play
By just waiting in line.

The crisp skin of a roasted chicken or turkey –I do get greedy!
The German chocolate cake in the freezer I enjoy in small chunks.

My bright-colored bed cover and pillows.
The mural of Mt. Shuksan on my bedroom wall.

The attention we got at Alki when I held on to the walker made of plastic—
My daughter’s gift for my 67th birthday. I love seeing people’s grins.

Sat. and Sun morning music on 91.3 as I sit up in bed and read, write, muse.
The learning from 1150 am--Vibrant Health and The Dr. Pat show.

The beach stones and driftwood on the ledge outside my office window.
The sandwich and juice on my second floor deck as I watch the sunset.

The turtles, frogs and ducks I have on the hall window sill.
The hammock on the front porch for lazy evenings.

And overall, the love and acceptance (most of the time) for this person named Moreah.
My curiosity asks: What are YOUR Little Things? I'd enjoy hearing them.

Reflecting on my life this month April 2008

2008-04-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

What would you like to know about me? Many of you know me only by excerpts from my two books, not by what I think and feel on an ongoing basis. You may realize that I'm 67, and feel like 50, that I'm a mom and grandma, a landlady with 6 roomers in my 1910 home, a Life Coach, a Nonviolent Communication trainer, a lover of pleasure.

I'd love to hear your response to what follows, to connect more with you.
I've been thinking for a few months that I really must get organized. There's a big part of me that doesn't want to miss anything! So I've kept old Sunday papers for months when I didn't read them that day. I've clipped articles from them and from magazines on retirement, real estate, travel, humor, word games, The Stranger's Dan Savage column, events to attend, books to read, singles articles, political opinions, global warming, natural health, humor, personal growth, and whatever else I want to access again.

Today, 4-24-08, I listed 22 categories, from Away--to get or do when I'm not at home--to Coaching, Events, Health, Household, Library, NVC, Real Estate, Singles, Sustainable West Seattle, West Seattle Unitarian Universalists, www (for sites I don't want to miss at some future date) and several others. AND I started a section in my red spiral 70-page notebook to note the progress of different projects. It will be SO helpful when I'm not sure if I sent that fax, made that call, kept my agreement, to look back at the entries to confirm what was completed. And since I took steps on #2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 12, 13, 19, and 22 today, and I can see what each one is associated with, if I forget a week from now on #12, I can look back for all the #12 entries, and not have to hunt for loose papers that note what I completed.

It's midnight now, and though I agreed with my support partner (she coaches me 30 minutes a week, and I coach her) that I'd shut off the computer at least 2 times a week by 7:30 pm, this wasn't one of the nights.
I did keep another agreement I made with her--stopped eating after 8:00 pm, as I had one other night this week.

After attending VegFest, and reading and hearing that meat was hard on the kidneys--I had surgery last November on my right kidney, that had lost 40% of its function--I also agreed to eat no meat 2 or more days a week.

I'm starting a research program sponsored by the National Institute of Health, headquartered at the Veterans Hospital, for the Memory Wellness program. Starting Sat. April 26, all my meals for the next 28 days will be delivered to me, 4 on Fri., 3 on Tues. I'm looking forward to it, not only because I like freebies and I'll enjoy someone else's cooking, but because it feels like a game to eat ONLY the meals and snacks provided, except for one meal a week we can eat what we want. The Fred Hutchinson Center is preparing for each of us based on height, weight, and activity level. If you're over 60 and in the greater Seattle area, and would like to check your memory and maybe be in a research study, email me, moreah@comcast.net and I'll give you Amy's # at the VA to call. I'm getting lots of tests, before and after the 4 weeks, to see what effect a lower vs. higher fat diet has on memory. I had a spinal tap, where the spinal fluid was put in tiny portions into 80 small vials for 80 tests. Fascinating! I had an MRI to test the fat in my liver, blood and urine tests, a CT scan, etc. Kind of fun to be part of an experiment that could make a difference for people as they grow older.

It's bedtime. Look forward to sharing more soon. Love to hear from you!
Moreah

Poetry from my book, Diving Right In

2008-04-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

Friendship’s Arms
I’m here, you’re there, this special day
Oh, how I miss dear Friendship’s arms.
The feelings thought, but not exchanged
Seem excess weight, unwelcome guests.
My censure bids me see all’s well,
But heart’s encased in dark cocoon
Till trust and time and tender touch
Again give welcome to Friendship’s arms.

To my Good Friend
It is you who first told me, “1 want to know.
What are you REALLY thinking?”
I used to dip my words into deep pools
Where propriety dictated
How quickly I dared plunge in.

You see, there are many pools that LOOK inviting,
Where I hear, “The water’s warm!”, and I rush in,
Only to feel chilled throughout.
Once I’m there, I stay and swim, but,
Braced against the assault on my skin,
I never freely splash and shout:
I know it isn’t warm.

With you, Friend, I rarely test the water--
The temperature nearly always welcomes my headfirst dive.
If I shiver, you notice,
And we warm ourselves before swimming further.

I notice we slow down when the water turns color
And the depth and cold intensify.
Dare we trust our bodies in unswum waters?

When one of us feels sure, we urge the other on
And feel triumphant several strokes later.
But, dear friend, dare we gauge each other’s mettle
On our own moment’s strength?
Do you feel weaker if you say,
“Today I only want to swim half way out?”
Am I just as desired a playmate when I only wade,
Or must we always go past the deep mark
Always push, always stretch limits?

I do not need us to swim as far and as fast
As each other every time.
So if I urge, and your body is a wader today,
Please tell me.
Either way, Friend, “The water’s warm!

Home’s Beauty, Inside and Out
She’s lived here four years, longer than the other roomers.
House and yard beauty is her chosen domain.
Blue and green pots, long wood planter boxes,
Bricks or rocks around these strawberries, those irises.
She mothers the plants, moving them from too little or too much sun.
She regularly places buds or flowers or leaved branches
In colored vases, on kitchen ledges, bathroom chests.
We walk up front steps and see cherries, new carrots.
Breakfast and lunch on the deck treat eyes with color,
Ears with bird songs,
Mind with gratitude for raspberries, for beauty, for profusion.
Even MY mind, so often full of plans and projects, emails and calls,
Sinks into sweet solace, swims in it
As I'm teased into the verdant restful space of Here,
The no-mind place of Now.
Breathing in the garden's rose, now on my desk
Offers release and respite.
I smell freedom from duty and stress.
I am content. And so is she.

Ripeness
I weigh both sides-—can’t know for sure
If this or that is better choice.
Remembering then to drop control
I wait till ripeness shares its fruit.

My trip to Australia and New Zealand

2007-11-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

I sent these postings to friends when I visited New Zealand and Australia in Nov.-Dec. 2005.
11-9-05 I'm on a deadline, will write you all shortly. Was sick in bed 3 days. Now in Wellington. Ferry at 2, and must see the museum 1st. Just ordered my bacon and eggs breakfast. Quiet hostel this time. Last night I didn't get to sleep a LONG time because of all the talking. Felt a little lonely. Could've joined, but there was smoking.

Got to Auckland Nov.3, never had a Nov. 2. Saw A. and a wonderful museum, got sick that night, and was in bed 3 days with diarrhea and vomiting. DOn't know why. Only white rice and toast. Finally on Sun. well enough to see Underwater World. Mon. off to Waitomo Glowworm Caves, where mucus catches insects as they fly up to the light. THen Rotorua, and a museum of the spa of early 1900's where 1000s spent $13-39 per treatment (by our standards today), many coming 19,000 km for the mud baths, electrical treatment, etc.

Saw millions of sheep, had lamb burger. Today a cable car up Wellington, then 1:20 to get the ferry to South Island. I'll go to Nelson and all the regular spots. Time is up and food is here. More later. Love, Moreah

11-13-05
Hi, last wrote Nov. 8. I'm in Christchurch at Women's Hostel--very nice. Went with woman Dr., 32, to grand Botanical Gardens here, then after the Museum and Arts Center and a chicken0cranberry quiche, ran into a woman very unhappy in her 42-year marriage. She drove us to a beach she loves and I listened and gave empathy. Hopefully she'll do what makes her happy.

I somehow didn't pack extra contacts, and am waiting for them--daughter Katie sent them to Christchurch General Delivery. May go back to Botanical Gardens along the Avon River, where I took photos of a gondolier, flowers, etc. So many grand historical and cultural displays in museums. My favorite was a mummy display where the staff had mummified a teddy bear and a couple toys--lovely whimsy. Got 3/4 lb. ground lamb, made it up with broccoli and brown rice and lots of herbs supplied in this big kitchen;. Before I'd had fat sausages on bread when I went on the Abel Tasman Park cruise and the 2 hour walk.

In Kaikouri, went on a dolphin watch. I was worn down, congested, so chose not to get in wet suit and wear myself out, but loved seeing 1-200 dolphins jumping and "playing" with swimmers. Was told a female was seen mating 5 times in about 5 minutes. I'll let you make of that what you will.

More later. Have to take the room another day or be on my way. Thanks to you who replied to my email. Not expected, but enjoyed. My computer will shut off in a moment so I'm out of here. Love, Moreah

Vignettes from my book, Diving Right In

2007-10-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

(The following are some of the vignettes in my 2007 book, Diving Right In: Reflecting on Life's Adventures. These were written in 1986-1992, as a parent of teens, a lover, a landlady, a playful inner and outer explorer.)

Bedroom Sprawl
May 24 marked another minor/major change for me. My daughter, 13, did such a miraculous job of cleaning my bedroom (a gift to me) that I knew I could never again let my clothes, books, mail, etc. sprawl all over my room. So I made an agreement with Katie (allowing one day grace/week) that I would keep the room neat or pay HER $5/day. (She hasn’t collected from her mom yet!)

What situation in YOUR life might benefit from a similar commitment? One of the nicest benefits from those agreements: I feel so proud of myself! I’m turning my self-image into “a woman who chooses what works for her, makes goals, and keeps her agreements.” (And more and more, that becomes reality!)
***20 years later, Katie is long gone, and sometimes stuff sprawls. Usually floor and couch in my bedroom, and floor and desk in my office are clear at least once a week. What can I say?

Temp Work
A precursor to May 10 and 24 was my decision early spring to find full time work. I have worked as a temporary secretary at four different City departments in 1986, and my hours for ‘86 are up, so I’m not sure what September will bring. I do know that whatever comes, there are lessons there that I need to learn.

September, 1986
A personal journal of daily happenings and inner reflections (plus some resources) from a mother of teens, a networker, a woman on the grow.
.
My Wheelbarrow Rides
I want to share each month some things that have given me delight. Since I’ve moved to Seattle from Iowa in 1978, I’ve had three wheelbarrow rides, pushed by three different men, around Green Lake. It started with a lover in 1979 who agreed to do whatever I asked for each week for one hour if I didn’t chew my fingernails that week. (I’d do the same for him if he’d lost 3 lbs. that week). We’d given massages, been read to, etc., but this time I wanted public attention, so I requested a wheelbarrow ride. R. had just climbed Mt. Rainier, and at the end of the hour push around Green Lake, he decided this had been more strenuous than the climb. The reactions made up for it, though, about “women’s lib gone too far”, “what kind of bet did YOU lose?” etc. I was dressed in a Sunday-go-to-meeting dress and fancy hat (I adore incongruities) in the rented wheelbarrow and, when I could keep from grinning, played kazoo, humming “Jingle Bells”, “Camptown Races”, etc.

Hal from the Personals
In 1981, an older man who’d answered my personal ad (which, this time, mentioned wheelbarrow rides) offered to push me when I was reluctant to go out with him because he was 20 years older. That broke my hesitation at once, and I again basked in the grins and amused comments on the three mile trek around the lake. Hal ended up a treasured friend, playing his guitar and singing old songs I’d never heard (which I recorded), reading to me, etc. Special memories include my 1st stop at Surrogate Hostess, with Hal treating. He emphasized, “Eat anything you like”, and he got as much delight at the unleashed kid in me as I did. “I’ll take that salad and that salad and that bread and that roll and that dessert...”

I have sometimes won for my greedy taste buds a piece of raspberry-chocolate pie from Hal when I’ve beat him at racquetball. (ANY occasion is apt for enjoying old and new favorites--marinated artichokes, kiwi fruit, fondue, cream puffs...) Umm, excuse me, I don’t want to resist the turkey-cabbage sandwich I saved for later...

Another time Hal and I gathered brilliant fall leaves at the playground across from my Capitol Hill home (my first seven years in Seattle) with my daughter, then 8. I don’t remember why that was a “primo” leaf-gathering, but it’s forever in my mental scrapbook.

Free Tickets for Nothing
Hal and I still glow about the Fremont Street Fair we attended, me in my rainbow-colored wig worn the three months I delivered balloons as a singing clown, and him in a HUGE sombrero-shaped green foam hat tied with orange ribbons under his bushy gray beard. We had a roll of tickets and we’d go to people walking among the crowded booths and say, “Here’s two free tickets!” They’d beam and say “Thanks! What are they for?’ We’d feign surprise and reply, “Why, for nothing! They’re just free tickets!” And by this time, 96% of them were grinning with us. It was an immediate entree to friendship. (The 4% probably had an ongoing mistaken belief that life should be taken seriously)...

Keeping a Journal
Jean Bryant (Anybody Can Write), has been self-employed for years, and has a great store of native wisdom (common sense) and humor on topics from one’s diet to loving oneself better, etc. (I’ve kept a journal since I was 17, and it was only at Jean’s journal writing workshop three years ago that I felt freed from the compulsion to write every day in order to say “I keep a journal.”)

Seattle’s Parks
A good guide for you nature lovers locally is Brandt Morgan’s Seattle’s Parks. Go out these faIl days and explore a new park. I discovered one nearby with a minuscule stream, totally enveloped by the greens of six or seven varieties of trees. I sat in Me Kwa Mooks park for my weekly two hours with nature, learned the melody of the stream, communed alone, picked blackberries, gloried in the green. It’s on Beach Dr. SW and Oregon SW. What are your favorite parks?

Spiritual Reflections
I’d gotten such value from Brother Tolbert McCarrol’s Spiritual Reflections on the Song of Life that I sent my first tithe to him at Starcross Monastery in Annapolis, California. Some of the many quotes I’ve reflected on are:
a) “If you try to bear fruit when it is time to bud, you may never bud...”
b) “Solving problems is not really important. Finding your true nature is of great importance.”
c) “...All that is required of you is that you learn to be truly quiet…The willow has only to stand still. The wind will move its branches.”

OK, OK, I’ll Do It
I’m still keeping my new habits of a neat room each evening, writing six To Do’s each night for the next day, and two hours each week of just BEING. Now, with the same $5 penalty if I don’t, I have added “keeping my daily schedule current.” What that means, Friends, is that if I got a message from the Dalai Lama on September 1 and didn’t get around to returning his call, under my new commitment, I would transfer that to my September 2 schedule. Now presumably, that’s what most folks do (yes?), but in the past I have carried around up to 28 days worth of my 8 x 11 daily schedule, waiting for the “right” time to make it current. That’s why your call was not returned! The benefit for me was that I had an “excuse” for not keeping focused, for letting some matters fall through the cracks. I was SO busy! (I begin to wonder if my busyness is not a protective armor, just as another person’s overweight or shyness or bitchiness or bravado can be a shield.)

Endings
There’s often been something unsettling for me about completed projects or about finished classes or last days of vacation. There’s an inexpressible feeling of a void, probably analogous (though more trivial) to the empty nest syndrome, a feeling of “Now what? Is there still meaning? Am I still needed?” Thus, I’ve realized that even completing my daily schedule and filing the sheet causes a mini-emptiness inside me. It only lasts a few seconds--no big deal, but it’s a clue to me that I may want to explore what’s beneath my discomfort.

I can remind myself that change and completion often provide/provoke growth; and I can forgive myself for feeling unsettled. I’ve found often that simply saying “I forgive myself (for being tired/ slamming the door in anger/ being late/ not wanting to be with my teenagers now/ not having the money to buy this/ feeling lonely)...” is all I need to do to move on. It’s my acknowledgement to myself that whatever I’m feeling/doing is okay. It just IS--no right or wrong about it. So, for now, completions are at times unsettling. That’s all. It’s ok.

What’s “New”
This may seem not worth mentioning, but I get pleasure out of ”new things”, and when I took in my non-functioning Kirby and two other sub-standard vacuums to see what I could get, I was able to get a reconditioned vacuum, at no cost, that operates better than the Kirby, which I’d determined was what I wanted. West Seattle Sewing and Vacuum was helpful, fair, and obviously believed in service. (Our interaction reminded me of the case studies in A Passion For Excellence, by Tom Peters, a super book for businesses that want happy customers .)
.
I got a chance to question my fixed beliefs (“I want a Kirby”), and make decisions based on my experience (“This one works better!”) rather than on outmoded beliefs.

Belief vs. Experience with my Teens
Another case: This summer my two teenagers were with friends a whole lot; there were some weeks when I didn’t see one or the other for a few days! I knew where they were; I knew they were having a great time, but they weren’t home! Now, I had a belief that a good parent should at least see or keep close tabs on her children, daily. But my experience was that I was loving the loose, unstructured lives we were leading. There was no good reason during the summer, when all three of us were happy, to build in structure just so I could be right about my belief. So I went to lots of meetings and outings, basked in silence, and let my experience be the boss.

Earthstewards
I joined the 3-day gathering, connecting with people who care--about community living, spirituality and healing, ritual, inner guides, parenting, music and dance, small business consciousness, citizen diplomacy and planetary wellness, among other things.

You can check out Earthstewards Network at www.earthstewards.org. It’s a wonderful way to connect with people/activities toward a more peaceful and loving personal global world. It deals with each of the seven paths of peace: Inner peace, earth as a living organism, planetary stewardship, right livelihood, sacredness of all life, ego transcendence and oneness.

Prosperity
If prosperity (not just money) is something you care about (it is compatible with spirituality!), learn from Edwene Gaines. Read :Finding Your Divine Purpose” from her The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity at http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/fourspirituallawsbookexcerpt.html. Her seminar had a great impact on me. Not only am I tithing (never have before) but this commitment to my journal and its being published in the future came out of her August workshop at Unity.

Still Doing Temp Jobs
Last month I talked about taking the temp job I’m now in. Well, they chose someone who was more likely to stay here long term. I have mixed feelings; this would’ve afforded economic security, but it was not challenging or fun. So now I’m “out there” again. Good friend A. urged me to mount a serious job campaign. I feel a real tug between keeping on with other temp jobs (though I can’t count on them) and going for what I really want (with its greater fears of rejections and discouragement). Tune in next month.

Family Rituals
Friends and 1 shared growing-up rituals. I have fond memories of Christmas Eve, when we’d get up to go to Midnight Mass. When we came home, we’d have cocoa and open a box of chocolates and even drink wine. With my own children, we have gone to an early evening service on Christmas Eve, and had goodies afterward.

I wanted more ritual, so I started one! I rarely buy ice cream (“It’s not healthy”) but we all like it. So the night before the first day of school I bought a half gallon and we pigged out. I told Nick and Katie we’d do that each year. Another tradition is that we go out to eat when they get their report cards, if up to snuff. One thing we’ve done often, but probably isn’t a ritual, is canoeing, with me sitting back and them paddling, which suits us all just fine. I’m in charge of feeding bread crumbs to the ducks. We like picnics too--it’s one of the rare times I’m open to lunch meat and pop and potato chips; junk food wins when we picnic.

Spice Cabinet of the Mind
Do you notice how some days that purple shirt or that spicy casserole are JUST RIGHT and other times--no way! I think mental attitudes/choices are like that; they suit our temperament of the moment. So when I’m feeling some unsettledness or fear, I mentally run through my grab bag/stockpile of “solutions”, and pick one that fits:
a) “How does this (action/feeling) add to the love in the world?” (Thanks, U.V. Family)
b) Breathe deeply; as you inhale, say “Love in”; as you exhale, “Fear out.” (Thanks, Lia)
c) We are always Master OR Victim. “If I were Master now, what would I do/think/feel?”
d) Acknowledge what is; focus on what you want; choose it. Then take steps toward that.

Highlight of the Month – Two Day Retreat
It was at Visitation Center in Federal Way. From Friday night till Sunday afternoon. I had all my meals prepared, and had total use of the adjacent beach and sculptured grounds. Each of the 40 rooms had a single bed, table, chair, plus stool and sink. We heard music or a spiritual talk during meals, which were ample self-serve.

I spent most of the 44 hours in my room, propped up in bed, writing and thinking. I’ve been on a spiritual quest for years, and lately had gotten to wonder what Moreah believed and thought, and what ideas I was just taking over from others. I really gotit. I divided a notebook into “Parenting and Relationships”, “Job/Life Work”, “Self” (goals, freedom, health, what I want, living in the now, “Master vs. Victim”) and “General Musings.” I wrote over 12 pages, probing my consistency as a parent (about TV usage, which I usually limit to 9 hrs./week), (about their picking up after themselves, which I sometimes demand and sometimes hope for and sometimes reward) and about the amount and quality of time we spend together, and how my meetings and other activities affect that. I need to keep reminding myself that my beliefs (about parenting or whatever) can be explored, and that my here-and-now experience often says, “You’re doing fine, Moreah.” Thus, I’d more often have the courage to say “I don’t believe I need to do or be this any more.”

An example: I sometimes get down on myself for not completing projects, for forgetting to do things, for losing one more paper that I “should” have filed right away. I don’t see myself as a perfectionist, and I DO experience others with the same incompletes and memory loss and “misfilings.” I don’t think they are inept or to be chided. My belief, “I need to manage things without goof ups to feel good about myself” is not true and doesn’t serve me. Thus, I choose to be in line with my experience. “I choose to feel good about myself whether I’m “doing it right” or not.”

What I Want from Work
Back at the retreat: Part of the 12+ pages was about what I want from work. I often teeter-totter between “going for what I want with unswerving determination” and “putting on reality tinted (or fear-tinted) attitudes and looking for ANY job I can get that will pay my bills without deadening my spirit. I’m aware that persistence and tenacity will work for me when I get clear about what I want. In fact, clarity + persistence = getting what I want. I hope my December musings wilt announce a job I have and LIKE!

How do you Know you are Loved?
A dear friend her husband and I had driven east to around Snoqualmie. We found a friendly river (lots of rocks and rippling water.) The three of us sat on the boulders eating our fruit and sandwiches. Ahna was sharing some childhood memories with her folks; I asked if she felt loved. “Oh, yes!” “How did you know?” She replied, “He grinned at me!” So simple, yet so rich a statement.

I observed myself the next few days with my children; we talked, we laughed, we went on outings, but the deep intimacy of shared soul-secrets that shows itself in grins was rarely there. I had to ask myself why! I suspect that grins, as opposed to laughs, need the soil of relaxed, unhurried hanging-out time. As several past and present housemates could attest, “hanging out” is not my forte. I’m “Type A” — high energy, task-oriented, desiring results! Nothing wrong with that in a situation where things need to get done, but when the “project” is closeness, it’s time to shift gears!

I notice I’m more likely to be in a grin-producing situation when I’ve chosen to relax and put aside any need to ”accomplish” things. Thus, when Katie and I are looking at her drawings from Archie comics, or I’m sitting on Nick’s bed hearing about Fire Explorers, my consciousness is THERE, and my unfinished projects are out-of-mind. Then I’m free to be light and relaxed, the perfect conditions for warm looks/ teasings/ grins of camaraderie.
So what else besides grins lets you know you’re loved, that you’re loving? GO for it!

(To purchase Diving Right In (85 poems from 30 years, and 181 pages of vignettes), send $15. + $2.50 for mailing to Moreah Vestan, 5646 42nd Ave SW, Seattle, WA 98136. Join my listserv by sending a blank email to moreahs-musings-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. I send occasional humor, resources, links, and reflections. I'd love to share more with you. Moreah

Constantly Curious—I Wonder…

2007-10-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

I've been wondering about lots of things over the years, and
thought it would be fun to share my wonderings and invite you to
share yours with me as well.

(About other people's behaviors) - I wonder…
What makes people decide not to hit the snooze alarm one
more time?
How people got into the habit of shower or meditation or
coffee first thing?
What makes some people smell the flowers and others walk
on by?
What makes some people like lights and candles and others
darkness while making love?
What makes folks decide how much toilet tissue to use?
Why some people throw away vases of flowers as soon as
they’re past their prime, instead of enjoying them one more day?

How a clown costume can transform a person's behavior?
How Saturday morning opera experts identify arias from
obscure operas?
What makes some rise from poverty to wealth, and not others?
If anyone else I know has eaten ostrich at Zeke's in the
Cascades?
How many people know that dried kiwi tastes better than other
dried fruit?
How do gregarious people end up happily married to reserved
partners?

How do single people over 50 feel about possibly not being
partnered again?
What keeps unhappily married or careered people from
leaving?
How would people's lives change if more people felt good
about extreme self-care?
(About my behavior) - I wonder…
What makes me so inquisitive? I just crave learning and
experiencing it all!
What I would do without my 1,317 page Roget's thesaurus
that finds just the right thing I want to say?

What made me spend three hours searching all the words
related to pleasure in the thesaurus I could find, and type up that list
of 340+ words, and just beam at the joy of words, and how I could use
that list in my writing and speaking?
Why, with the six new shelves Richard installed in my office,
I don't have more surfaces cleared and neat and fully usable?
Why a resounding "no" is easier to deal with than ambivalence
and indecision?
How we grandparents can feel so okay making fools of
ourselves with kids?

What makes me so delight in yard and estate sales and second
hand stores? And how come "all you can fit in a grocery bag for $5"
can make my day?
Why adding nuts to cereal or salads or ice cream makes me
feel luxurious?
Why it is so hard, when I think of chocolate, to refrain from
eating it?
Why "Mony Mony" makes me dance wherever and whenever
I hear it?
How I can sit in rapt attention by a creek under snow-capped
mountains for an hour, but find it hard to sit still and "do nothing"
most any other time?

Why, loving hot baths as I do, I don’t make time for them
more often?
Why that 6-story evergreen is blocking my view of the
Olympics there?
Why feeding ducks and watching them swoosh onto a lake
gives me such delight?
What it would be like to be a Life Coach for Oprah or
Madonna or Ally?
When I will give my first (national) speech/ workshop for over
$1000?

How I got so lucky as to have no drinking, drugs, or smoking
problems?
Why, loving wind chimes as I do, I only bought some
recently?
How I got so lucky to be writing a column for Active Singles
Life since 1992 and for Women Network for 9 months?
How I did so well when I explored NVC with a potential
speaking client?
Why, at age 60 (yuck!), I don’t identify with "senior" or
"elder", but I’m still happy to take advantage of reduced rates for
people over 60?
If I’ll live past 90 and still be as young at heart as I am now?
How I could forget which country some of my mementos are
from?
If there is reincarnation, what karma I am supposed to work on
in this lifetime?
When the earthquake happened February 28th, did others feel
what I felt: shaky, powerless, but aware of what matters: life, love,
friends, peace?
Since this piece would be less scattered if I organized it into
categories, why that seems so onerous that I'm just going to send it
out as it is?

Since spiritual books like Walsch’s Friendship with God, or
ones by Sinetar, Thomas Moore, and Zukav so fill me, how I can also
be so delighted by erotica or suggestive humor?
Since one guy from the personal ads said he felt like he was
being auditioned, and since a roomer thought I was too direct when I
talked to ad responders on the phone, how I check my inquisitive
nature so a guy doesn't feel he's being interviewed or investigated
before we set up a date?
How I got so lucky to be the free spirit that I am.
This was fun!! I wonder what you all wonder about!

Moreah Vestan, from my book, Pleasures and Ponderings: from Nun to Nudist to Now moreah@comcast.net, 206-938-8385
www.pleasuresandponderings.com for reviews, excerpts and
how to order the book.

Wallowing in a Perfect Day

2007-09-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

I’m having a perfect day today, and wondering why I don’t create more perfect days for me. It’s Christmas, my kids and I spent Christmas Eve together, and I am absolutely luxuriating in doing my thing. For breakfast I enjoyed my Great Harvest Bread Company shortbread—every taste is a dreamy experience. I called my Dad, 89, and agreed how blessed we all are to be able to walk and talk and see and hear. I told him that I’ll put his Christmas $100 in a special envelope in my billfold. When I see something I really want but hear a budgetary argument from my inner shouldn’t-er, I will open the envelope and feel totally okay about indulging myself.

I did that Sunday at the fish market at 28th and NW Market. After I tasted the smoked black cod, $18.99 per pound or not, I put out $5.77 for a hunk that will delight me over the next few days. Memories, past and future, are a part of the joy of this day.Since the call, I’ve been doing things I feel like on the computer, this being one of them. I’ve watched Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat and excerpts from Jesus Christ Superstar and more. I ate a stick-to-your teeth caramel from last night’s Christmas stocking and deliberated the last 1/8 of it—shall I make this one bite or two to get the most pleasure? Two was the winner this time.

For lunch, I had a piece of last night’s rolled rib roast with gravy, and all the deli olives I wanted. I’m drinking carrot juice that housemate Diane and I made a day or so ago. I alternate between holiday programs on the radio and on TV. I wound up my music box and watched the pink jester move to the sounds of “Make Someone Happy.” Out my home office window the Olympics show off their clear snowy wraps. The sun lights on the shells and driftwood on the deck railing I can see from my desk. I’m wondering if I’ll feel more expansive as I am now, wandering up and down the stairs, from fridge to TV to desk, or going for a walk in the glorious sunshine. I’ll go after I send this, I decide, and be back by 4:00 to meet a potential roomer for the room available on the 1st.

I decide I like him already—his walk at Kelsey Creek Park in Bellevue “made his Christmas.” Since in many parts of the world, December 25 means no more than any other day, I would like to declare my own personal monthly holiday, for no other reason than that I (and everyone)deserve to be as happy as we can make ourselves. I know myself well enough to not leave things in that “good idea” stage. So I just wrote in on each 4th Sunday of 2002 “My Holiday.”

Wish you could see the serene smile and then the passion that becomes a bellow as I sing along with the radio. Yes, I’m happy!! I have moments of delight every day, and I want to pay more attention to wallowing in them. And wallow I will every 4th Sunday. Anybody want to join me? Pick your own monthly “my day” -your body will be grateful for the lack of stress. You can go further with loved ones because your tank will be full. And best of all, it feels good! Let me know if you’ll wallow too on your “my day.” It willgive me even more pleasure to know I’ve encouraged more joy in the world. Blessings!

1. Eleven Guidelines for Pursuing Pleasure

2007-09-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

As an ex-Catholic, I’ve had to practice giving up guilt around
the conscious pursuit of pleasure in my life. I tend to agree with
Napoleon Hill in Think & Grow Rich: "Ask life for great gifts and you
encourage life to deliver them to you." I made up the following list for
both a speech I gave and a column I wrote. I’m not elaborating much
on any of my 11 principles here, because I hope you will put your
own imagination to active use in seeing how they apply personally.

My 11 guidelines include:
1) Grab your pleasure when and where it shows up. Don't
have a set idea of how it must look. If you have your schedule set to
accomplish 17 things today, and you get a free ticket to a concert
you’d love to attend, drop those last 13 things if you must, and exult
in your good luck. Do know and honor your & others' boundaries and
values in the process.

2) When you see something you want, ask for it. Do it as
easily as you'd place your order with the waiter. Assume if you want
it, you're meant to have it. Ask Life to be your waiter from now on.
It’s easier to get a “no” than to wonder for the next three months
whether you might have gotten your desire if you had asked.

3) Go for what you can have when you can't have it all.
The sunny part of the rainy day; the friendship if not the lover; the
soup when the entree is too expensive.
Pleasures and Ponderings

4) Get out of your serious adult and into your playful child
every chance you get. How would that look for you? Who would you
invite along? How can you make playfulness a regular fun habit? I
hired the Bubble Man to do a bubble show in my back yard for my
59th birthday party; the five kids and 30 adults oohed and ahhed over
his tricks and the tools he entertained us with. I mark in my annual
calendar in April to find out which day Ben & Jerry’s is giving away
their free ice cream cones. Once a friend in a green foam sombrero
and I in my rainbow colored wig gave away free tickets ("to nothing")
at a local street festival. It was great fun for us and also for the
receivers of the unusable tickets. What sounds playful to you?

5) Take pride in what does work for you instead of putting
yourself down for your limitations. When I was in Siena, Italy, and
geographically challenged, I feared I'd never find my travel partner
Dee again when I went off looking for lodging. I retraced my route
the long way, but found her. How can you reframe a criticism of
yourself into an approval/ acceptance of you just as you are?

6) Plan for, and insist on, breaks or rests to make the
demanding times less stressful. That goes for at work, on a hike, and
meeting a deadline. What kind of breaks work for you? It could be a
cup of tea, a three block walk, a trip to the store, five minutes of
stretching, or even a nap.

7) Don't limit yourself by another's belief on what is
enough. Go back for Life's seconds. Stop when you have had enough.
Only your own self-judgment keeps you from going for what you
want. In Conversations with God, God says “I don’t care what (work) you do; all I care is that you fully express all of who you are." Does
that mean being active in six major projects? Going out to concerts
and dinner and meetings four nights a week? You get to decide.

8) Don't make snap judgments about people or places.
There is good and not so good in everything. Give it a chance to
shine. When a man I met through the personals sent an inappropriate
email card, I didn’t ditch him, because I knew he had a good heart.
Some people take time to open up.

9) Tune in to the little things. Look and listen for what
soothes your spirit and quiets your busyness—star or cloud gazing,
daydreaming, birds flying, lilacs, a water fountain, the variety in a
garden center, or classical music.

10) Do whatever it takes to figure out what fulfills you.
Then give yourself over to it. Examples that inspire or fulfill might
include the artist Gaudi in Spain; Journaling; Barbara Sher's books;
Tony Robbins, B. Kipfer’s 14,000 Things.to be Happy About and The
Wish List.

11) When you experience bliss, wherever you are, embrace
it. Don't put conditions on it. Let it come; let it go. When I was in
Europe a couple years ago, I had only three days to spend in the Swiss
Alps. I would have loved extra time. But I got total delight out of
those three days. Preferences are fine, but —delight in the day.
Moreah Vestan

From Nun to Nudist to Now

2007-09-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

I’ve wondered often how I, who was a nun for a year, could
have become the authority-free woman I am today. Of us nine kids, I
probably took Church rules the most seriously. I remember urging my
teen brother in the 1950’s to ”be careful” on his dates. I hadn’t
understood what sex was about until I was myself a teen, so I took it
on myself to encourage siblings to follow the rules.

I remember tattling on classmates in grade school, feeling
totally justified, since rules were made to be kept. One of the nuns in
my 12 years of Catholic schooling said that if we thought we had a
vocation and didn’t follow it, we’d never be happy. That put the fear
of God in me. Knowing myself to be “a good girl,” I suspected God
might want me as a nun.

So my second year of college found me in a convent in
Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It felt a little bit like pioneer life. We sewed
names on all our clothing, including cloth sanitary napkins. Twenty of
us postulants slept in a big dorm, with sheets as dividers in our
approximately 4’ x 8’ sleeping area. We had one black outfit for
Sundays, and one for weekdays. We went to Confession on Saturdays,
and I associate the smell of baking bread with those weekend
Confessions.

We’d pray the Rosary on daily afternoon walks, and listen to
Madame Butterfly often in evening recreation, because the Postulant
Mistress liked it. (I do too). Even at age 19, I couldn’t understand why
the other girls talked during afternoon chores. The rule said No Talking!

I’d probably still be a nun if it weren’t for a wise Mother
General. She interviewed each of us at the end of our year as a
postulant, before we became a novice. I was going to be Sister Nathan
as a novice, though I would not take the vows of poverty, chastity and
obedience for a few years. When the Mother General asked, “Are you
happy?” I answered, “I’m not happy, but I’m satisfied.” And she said,
“That is not enough for a bride of the Lord.” I’d most likely still be
Sister Nathan otherwise, if I’d not been so gracefully dismissed. In
1961, I was still authority-ridden. I had no other life experience than
as an obedient Catholic.

Two years later, considering marriage to an Iowa suitor, I was
still innocent/ naive enough to confess that I’d sat on my boy friend’s
lap. Told that was an occasion of sin, I never did it again. That
romance ended in a few months. Five years later, I had taught one
year of sophomore English and one year of junior high English,
followed by four years of second grade. I was engaged to Don, whom
I’d met through a correspondence club. I even had my second graders
write him a letter.

I was, at 26, a virgin on my wedding night. Interestingly, no
one had told me I wasn’t supposed to enjoy sex after marriage. To my
surprise, after the first couple days and nights of the honeymoon, as
we walked toward our Hawaiian lodging, I’d be chirping, “We’re
almost there!” And to this day, when anyone says, “We’re almost
there,” I have happy flashbacks to February, 1968.

Now I was still “a good Catholic” a year later at a Church
camp when a priest, who later left the priesthood and married an exnun,
said around the campfire, “If the only reason you go to Mass on
Sunday is to avoid mortal sin, you shouldn’t go!” My mouth must
have been hanging open. This was a man of the cloth giving me
permission, it seemed, to do whatever I liked. Apparently, at the time,
all I needed was a bona fide authority figure’s pronouncement to
loosen the shackles that had bound me all these years. That campout
was the beginning of my liberation as a woman who could now begin
to think for herself.

When I was unhappy a few years later, often thinking, “Is this
all there is for the rest of my life,” it was only after a good friend
convinced me I wasn’t meant to be unhappy that I dared to separate
and then divorce. As the first one in my family to divorce, I did not
feel support from my parents.

As many divorced people did in the ‘70’s, I enjoyed a good
deal of personal freedom. I’d spent a summer month on a car trip to
California from Iowa, while my kids, around 4 and 6, were with their
grandparents on the farm. Seeing personal ads in California papers, I
came back and placed the first such ad in the Iowa City paper. I met
Don and Frank, both professors at the University of Iowa. I grew to
love them both, and my kids and I spent alternate weekends with
them. Both lovers knew of the other, and felt fine about our times
together. I’ve never felt tempted by swinging, but can see the
potential merits of polyfidelity. I see people as capable of loving more
than one partner. If not for jealousy, it could have many benefits
beyond having more than one lover. (The ex-nun in me is amazed that
I believe this. But I do. )

How can I explain to you, let alone to myself, how the
obedient child became the autonomous woman? From that priest at
the campout to the influence of many friends and authors and public
figures, I have learned to listen inside more and more. I am
comfortable in my body, and love the childlike freedom of no clothes
whenever I get the chance. Still, I am not surprised when the old need
for propriety and approval occasionally come up. I am now quicker to
notice when I have taken someone else’s truth for my own. And I’m open to any now experience that my heart leads me to.
Moreah Vestan, Author, Life Coach, NVC facilitator, Columnist

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

2007-09-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

I’m curious if people realize that some questions they ask
themselves could be harmful? Have you ever asked or heard "Why
did this happen to me?" or "Why can't I get it right?" or "Will I ever
find work I like?" They can only lead to negative thinking. Since
that's probably not the desired result, what could happen if people
only asked questions that brought forth useful answers that moved
them forward?

I've listened to Tony Robbins' tape on The Power of Questions
a few times. Robbins says the quality of your life depends on the
quality of your questions. If your brain is like a search engine and you
put in, "Why is it so hard to meet women?" all it can bring up is
possible negatives. What would your search engine brain come up
with if you asked, "What are three things I could do this week that
would be fun to do to where I could meet interesting women?" Can
you hear your brain searching its archives of information and thoughts
to bring up three or more responses?

What questions could change your life or even your outlook
for the day? Just for the experience, try some of these and come up
with your own. Those will be even more insightful for you.

Relationship with Yourself
What could I do that would be a treat for me today and only
take a few minutes?
How could I set up an incentive so that a task I've been putting
off gets done?
What can I tell myself to lighten up when I've been criticized
or hurt?
What creative expression can I build into this week? Writing?
Painting? Woodworking? Redecorating? Visiting galleries and
museums for ideas? What day is it planned for on my schedule? Am I
committed to doing it?
Where would be a restful place to read a book and to picnic?
How much time (15, 30, or 60 minutes) will I spend on
organizing and sorting today so I will fully enjoy the
walk/gym/treat/reading I plan for later?
What music would inspire me right now? Did I just turn it on?
If not, it's okay to stop reading and turn it on now.
What clothes make me feel really good? When will I wear
them? Are they ready to wear—pressed, nothing missing, a good fit?
What is one step I know I need to take to fully express who I
am? If I'm not sure, when will I take 20+ minutes to journal about
what that might be?
What beliefs do I need to change to be more loving?
Accepting? Encouraging? Happy? Fulfilled? Successful?
What habits must I change to be more financially responsible?
What pleasure will I give myself for specific progress?
What park or nature spot can I visit to revive my spirit this
week? When will I go?
How can I ensure that I follow a healthier diet—call a friend
for support? Eat only when I'm hungry? Stop eating after 8:00 pm?
No food while watching TV? Join a teleclass.com class to learn what
others are doing?
What can I get of value from having a cold?

Personal Relationships
Who would love to hear from me today?
Who can I call to say "I'd like to spend more time with you"?
What dates and times can I clear on my calendar to offer them times
to meet?
Who am I ready to forgive?
What are some ways I can say "No”? One technique, if it's
hard to "just say no", is to offer 2 positives, 1 negative, and 1 positive.
"I appreciate your asking me to go dancing, and know it could be fun,
but I have other plans that night. I hope you'll have a good time
without me."
Who can I connect with today to support me in making my
dreams a reality?
What are some beneficial aspects of the troubling/ frustrating/
scary situation I'm experiencing with a special person in my life?
(Might it be a chance to become more open and intimate? To mirror
and paraphrase so you and that person truly understand each other?
To reconsider your commitment? To seek outside support to improve
the relationship? To practice being kind? Assertive?)

Professional and Community Relationships
Who can I call to brainstorm with on a project I'm excited
about?
Who can I exchange my time or services with to get body
work, remodeling, child care, housework, computer help, whatever I
want done?
What organization could I join to support the goals I have?
What can I say to a boss, employee, or co-worker that would
be honest, would please or honor them, and could improve our
relationship?
What one thing at work would make my job more desirable?
How can I implement that? What support do I need to make it happen?
In what organization would I most like to contribute to my
community? How much time will I offer? When will I start? What are
the benefits to me and to them?
What role do I want to play in my church, my children's
school, my neighborhood? Is the next step in my daily planner?
What can I do this month to better serve the global
environment?
What questions might serve you? What questions may you
need to ask and answer? Use this list as a supportive friend. I believe
that clear dreams, acted on, come true.

Moreah Vestan Compassionate Communication Trainer, Life Coach, Columnist
http://communicationcoaching.net moreah@comcast.net Author: Pleasures and Ponderings: From Nun to Nudist to Now and
Diving Right In: Reflecting on Life's Adventures http://www.pleasuresandponderings.com 206-938-8385

Internet Euphoria

2007-09-18T23:52:00.000-07:00

Recently, I got to help a friend who'd never been on the Web log on. It was probably even more exciting for me than for her. My great pleasure, my mission, is to stimulate discovery and focus on fulfillment. For example, I'd cooked black-eyed peas in the crock pot last week and couldn't find a recipe in my cookbook. Then I went to www.google.com and did a search and found hundreds of recipes in less than a minute! Where can a person discover more than on the Internet? I don't compare that delight with the glory of Nature or the intimacy of friendship, but all that knowledge at one's fingertips is intoxicating!
For me, part of the joy is in finding resources that I can pass on to various people in my life. On my coaching web site I have links to about 150 sites on several topics that are important to me. I've often thought it would be great to be on retainer and be a clipping service. If you were my client and wanted more information on career choices or home loans or hormone replacement therapy" ?you name it" ?I'd play hide and seek on the Web and tell you what I found. Being on the Internet makes me feel part of the larger world. I rarely watch the evening news, but when I log on, the welcome screen always gives the top news in the world, with places you can go to check on stocks, weather, entertainment and more. The feeling I get when I open my Personal Filing Cabinet and read Incoming Saved Mail is akin to my response to a letter from a loved one in the mail box. It's like a gift I wasn't expecting, a spontaneous offer to go on a two hour outing. Some of the emails are unwelcome, but I can hit delete or tuck them unread into an appropriate folder. I have folders for my weekly AskYourself newsletter, Puget Sound Coaching Association, Humor, Web Resources, Stock Market, Events, Travel, Writing, and other areas of interest.
For me, the email folders are comparable to a photo album" ? something I can revisit to tickle my memory muscle. Sometimes reading just the subject line puts a huge grin on my face" ?I remember the joke or scenario. Loving to share as I do, I have to restrain myself from forwarding wonderful humor and great lists to everyone I know. People who know me well appreciate my desire to be useful, and forgive me when I get carried away. It's hard for me to believe there are people who can afford a computer web access who don't rely on the Internet for quick communication. Perhaps I'm a bit addicted to it, but no more so than to snow-covered mountains, intimate talks with friends, a good book, a Handel concerto, or popcorn with butter by the fireplace. I'd be proud to introduce the Internet as my friend to anyone, and I value my friends. You'll have to pardon me; it's time for me to go there!
Author: Moreah Vestan
Compassionate Communication Trainer, Life Coach, Columnist
http://communicationcoaching.net moreah@comcast.net Author: Pleasures and Ponderings: From Nun to Nudist to Now and
Diving Right In: Reflecting on Life's Adventures http://www.pleasuresandponderings.com 206-938-8385

Pleasures and Ponderings #1

2005-01-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

I'd love to connect with people who see pleasure as a viable spiritual practice, valid just as prayer and meditation are. (This is corroborated, I believe, by the Dalai Lama's declaration that the purpose of life is to be happy. )

I'm a Life Coach, a relationship columnist, and a Nonviolent Communication trainer, and believe that when people make themselves happy, they have much more to offer the world.

I came up with 340 words (through thesaurus and other searches) that I associate with pleasure. (Email me if you’d like the list). I also created "Eleven Guidelines for Pursuing Pleasure." My first one is
"Grab your pleasure when and where it shows up." This doesn't mean taking advantage of another under any circumstances. To me, it means not having a set idea of how pleasure and happiness must look. If I had 7 things I wanted to complete today (I am self-employed) and someone called up with tickets to a concert or play I wanted to see, I hope I'd say yes, and finish those things tomorrow. If I had a deadline, I might negotiate with another to see if I could be a day late, if that seemed doable.

I'm not advocating irresponsibility. I like the definition of responsibility I learned at a Systems Design class a few years ago: It is liking or disliking the consequences of my actions, and going with that found liking or disliking. If I disliked an associate's displeasure with waiting another day, I would not be responsible if I went to the play anyway. If I liked the joy I'd feel after the play, that could be a responsible action.

Another example: When a friend offers me a ride in the country (I sold my car 9 years ago), I’ll usually drop anything that’s not a have-to. Spontaneity is a delight.
If a housemate has more food than s/he will eat, I’m happy to take yummy leftovers. When another housemate kept the fireplace stoked 5 hours last Friday,
I totally enjoyed it and the popcorn and cocoa he shared.

I don’t want to be pedantic, but I’d love if you thought of examples in your own life that illustrate the guidelines I’ll be sharing—if they are meaningful to you.

Last night, I went to dinner with a man I met on seattle.craigslist.org. (By the way, the dozens of categories, free, at craigslist.org, make for good connecting also.) Though there wasn’t chemistry, we talked at length about blogs. Are any of you going to the http://www.blogbusinesssummit.com in Seattle Jan. 24-25? If you’d like to meet other local bloggers ahead of time, do call me (206) 938-8385 or email moreah@pleasuresandponderings.com.

Guideline 5 and 7 (coming) will address another aspect of what I’ll say next. I LOVE internet resources—probably have 3-4,000 favorites in 30-50+ categories, and love the give and take of passing on fun or educational URLs. So talk to me if you love learning and adventure like I do.

Enough for today. Hope to hear from other web enthusiasts and peace and pleasure lovers. By the way, I’m looking for a man over 54 as a potential romantic partner. Moreah, West Seattle http://pleasuresandponderings.com.